Everything happens for a reason, right?

“Everything happens for a reason” is one of the most overused phrases in the universe, I’m quite sure. 90% of the people that use it are women, 91% of them are saying it to one of their friends about a guy who has just screwed them over. And 99% of the time it’s being said over a bottle of sauvignon blanc. Am I right? Or am I right?

Yes, I know that’s a huge generalisation, but you get my point. I am kind of contradicting myself as in another one of my blog posts I did write that I believe everything happens for a reason. And I do still sort of agree with my statement. But why does it always seem to be women saying it to each other? The more I experience relationships whether they be my own or through friends or through earwigging females discussing their love lives, the more I realise there is a pattern emerging. So, do we just tell our friends things happen for a reason to make them feel better?  Does it actually make us feel better about ourselves? Do we actually believe what we’re saying?  Personally, I do think things have to fall apart or grow in order for you to see the light, whether it be good or bad. You can’t experience the good without the bad, so it’s the same sort of principle isn’t it? It does make me feel better about myself and usually my rejection by taking solace in the fact that better things are ahead, surely. But it doesn’t take away the what’s wrong with me? I have an excellent personality, why wouldn’t you want to be with me?, mind set.

Just last weekend I was sat in Bills waiting for one of my best friends to arrive for our brunch date, when I was listening to a group of girls discussing last week’s drama. James hadn’t called or messaged Emily back, but had been online on whatsapp and Facebook. Emily was clearly very upset at the fact he hadn’t contacted her. However, as one of her friends said, maybe he’s been busy, maybe he forgot he hadn’t replied, or maybe he’s just not into you? Her other friend came in with the classic line of – maybe it’s just not meant to be!?  I smiled to myself and had severe déjà vu, why are women so bad a letting go, but men seem to slip out the back door without even saying goodbye? Things aren’t meant to last forever, so maybe we invented this way of looking at life to help us let go of things, even if we’re not ready to let go. This notion doesn’t just apply to our love lives but also job opportunities and waiting to buy a top in the Zara sale; if it’s meant to be that blouse will still be there.

As my home girl, Carrie Bradshaw said – “Eventually all the pieces fall into place, until then laugh at the confusion, live for the moment me know everything happens for a reason.” 

So next time you feel rejected or disappointed about an outcome, remember you are the prize and everything is a lesson. In the meantime, pour yourself a large Hendrix and tonic and call your girlfriends to arrange a dinner date to mill over the situation.

On another note, I’ve finished university! I cannot believe it. The longest, yet shortest three years of my life. My dissertation goes in next week and then I’m officially a free woman, bar one assignment in for the end of May. On to the next chapter, I wonder what’s in store…

I hope you’re well and have been enjoying the glorious springtime sunshine. I love springtime!

Take care,

B x

 

 

 

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This is a different kind of goodbye…

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2015 has already been, well, I’ve been sat here for a good five minutes trying to think of a word to use and all I can come up with is unpredictable.

There has been tears, tantrums and so much laughter all within a short space of time. The biggest bombshell was saying goodbye to someone who has been such a large part of my life for a long time. As you get older I think goodbyes become more difficult and more common. This goodbye was even more emotional than I expected as there was and is so much history, so much emotion, so many unresolved issues, which is a large part of the reason why I wanted to go. I needed and wanted to say my last few thoughts and feelings on our colourful past together. That is the thing with saying goodbye, people have the permission to grow into their own skin without you, which is a very strange feeling. It makes you want to scream, “No, you can’t carry on without me, please! Don’t go!” But as we know, that’s incredibly selfish. You can’t keep people, they’re not collectables.

Why is it goodbyes seem so romantic and glamorous on the television? One of you won’t be able to let the other one go, so you’ll go to the airport, bunch of flowers in hand, running through the departure gates then you’ll catch each other’s eyes. Burst into tears, embrace and live happily ever after. A Ross and Rachel type scenario. Hmmm, yeah. Likely.

Then the questions popped into my head, can you forgive someone for all the past events that happened if you can’t forget? Can you forgive them
even when they’re leaving? If you were to ask me this a year, a month ago even, I wouldn’t have let you finish the sentence without biting your arm off with a loud and forceful, NO. However, I have now changed my mind. Sometimes it’s the closure you need, for the both of you.

Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate, not that I’m even 100% sure that I believe in fate, but you get the idea. If we never veered or challenged our path, we may not fall in love again, have children or even be who we are today, or in the future. I do believe everything happens for a reason, so yes, maybe that is fate? Seasons change, so do cities, so do your memories. People come into your life and some people leave. But I take great comfort in the fact that the ones you love or loved will always leave a mark on your heart; and you will leave a mark on them too. If you’re lucky these loved ones are only a plane ride, text message, Skype, or telephone call away. And if they’re not, there’s usually a good reason for it. Life is a series of letting going moments. You have to start somewhere.

Goodbyes don’t have to mean forever. But that is down to you two.

I still hate goodbyes.

Have you ever had a horrible goodbye? Who were they with?

Take care,

B x

It’s that time of the year again!

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2014 has been one of the most interesting, stressful and exciting years so far. It’s taught me a lot, some good, some bad. But I thought I’d share with you guys what I’ve learnt.

1. You can’t plan your future, it’s really not that simple. No matter how much you try to create a schedule or time frame, life doesn’t work that way. ‘Next summer I’m going to go to W with X, while still being best friends with Y, oh and I’m going to get a job at Z.’ Everyone is hopeful and don’t get me wrong I’d love nothing more than to have a plan that I can stick to. However, 2014 has made me realise life goes on, yes something may not be what you necessarily wanted. But it has encouraged me to think on my feet and be excited for the future, because I know it’s going to be great. Whatever happens.

2. Make peace with the past. If you don’t it’ll be like an anchor and just bring you down. Don’t let it disturb your present or your future. Time is the best healer, honestly.

3. Friends come and go. But it is the people that are there for you day in and day out that are going to be there long term. Make sure you appreciate them, tell them you love them, thank them, there are thousands of ways to tell and show someone you love them.

4. Being a best friend is one of the most wonderful things in the world. I don’t think that needs anymore explanation.

5. Being an aunty is SO underrated. I love my family, as dysfunctional as they are, I wouldn’t change them for the world.

6. I love travelling and need to do more of it. New York was dreamy, it has spurred on my love of cities.

7. Write a journal, or carry around a notebook. I have one in my bag at all times, if I hear a funny quote or a see a restaurant I want to visit at a later date I write it all down. It’s a nice memo if nothing else.

8. Indulge. Maybe I do this a little too much with clothes and shoes, but you earned it!

9. One text goes a long way. Whether it’s rekindling a relationship, friendship or telling someone you’re there for them. It makes a big difference.

10. Don’t waste time reading rubbish books just to say you’ve read it.

I wish you all a very happy New Year, and I hope you bring in 2015 as you mean to go on. Are you doing anything special?

Take care,

B x

Maybe, he’s just not that into you…

Eye-contact is one of my favourite things. I think it tells you a lot about someone, especially in a romantic sense. The buzz of looking at someone across the road, exchanging flirty glances, then one of you gets more embarrassed than the other, looks away and the spell is broken. But before you know it, you’ve swapped numbers and are in a taxi on the way to your first date. With some people you have that immediate connection, with others you don’t, that’s why it is one of the most exciting feelings.

So, where does it all go wrong? A question frequently asked by women trying to understand a man’s logic. Is it mind games? Or is he genuinely not interested in you? Which, is always hard to stomach.

Where do you go from here then, you’ve had what you thought were a brilliant few dates, michelin star restaurants, countless cocktails, you’ve talked about in-depth and personal things, laughed and joked, shared a number of texts and phone-calls then, BAM. He’s no longer calling you, he’s no longer texting you, he’s appears no longer to be interested. Now, I KNOW questions are going round in your mind such as – ‘What did I do wrong?‘ ‘Was it something I said?‘ The answer to those questions, NO, NOTHING. Do not convince yourself that it was you. Even though you feel like the common dominator. There’s only one thing left to do in these kind of situations, call your best friends and go out boozing until you forget your own name. But PLEASE, please, whatever you do, do NOT drunk text or call him. It will only end in tears, probably yours. He’ll either be thinking you’re more of a fruit loop than originally thought, or he’ll just outright reject you and not respond, I’m not sure which is worse. But you’ll be left feeling sh*t and nursing a hangover. A lethal cocktail.

Take control of yourself, you don’t need someone to cook you dinner, play with your hair and tell you you’re pretty. It’s his loss and clearly his insecurity, do you honestly want someone that flaky and full of bullsh*t in your life? No. So, maybe it was a lucky escape. However, I know you’re probably feeling deflated at the moment. But it’s all about learning what you want and what you don’t want from a relationship. As I mentioned in my Fixing a Broken Heart. Women always assume a man has to be in control of what the relationship is going to be, and if it’s not what YOU want then why on earth are you putting up with it? I hate to sound cliché but there are PLENTY of other gorgeous men out there waiting to take you on a date. Don’t settle. If you’re feeling particularly soft and don’t want to let this go yet, maybe set him a deadline. He has until this date, this time, and if he hasn’t contacted me by then, then I’m deleting his number. Or I’m going to play ridiculously hard to get. See if he’s up for the challenge.

But maybe, he’s just not that into you…

What have you learnt from this?

1. Don’t be so available, you have a life and don’t need to fit into his schedule. If he doesn’t stick around and want to wait for you, then that tells you everything you need to know.

2. Nearly all men, tell women exactly what they want to hear. One of my favourite quotes – ‘Men fall in love with what they see, women fall in love with what they hear. That’s why women wear makeup and men lie.’ 

3. Enjoy yourself, go and do whatever you want to. Nothing is more attractive then someone who is happy within their own skin.

4. Work out what you want, and try to stick to it. I know that doesn’t necessarily work if you fall madly in love with someone, when all you were looking for was a fling. But sometimes going with an outline helps you decide what you’re willing to put up with.

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Exams are fast approaching, so I’m off to focus on some revision and going for a run to clear my head. As I always say, exercise is great at making you feeling better. I hope my advice helped a little! Who needs a man when you have best friends and a puppy dog who utterly adore you.

Hope you all have a good rest of the week.

Take care,

B x

Fixing a Broken Heart

This post I thought I would write something more personal than usual, mainly due to the fact that a blog is basically an online diary and I would definitely write this in a diary.

Something we’ve all been through, or are going to go through, sadly. Whether it be with friendships or relationships. Yep, you guessed it, heartbreak. I shan’t give you guys a synopsis of my situation, because it’s immaterial, but I will tell you he was such a huge part of my life and my family’s lives, for nearly three years. Oh, and he ended everything with me, not once, but twice.

So, I thought I’d use this post to give myself and any of you who have faced or who are facing heartbreak some support, advice and home truths. Here goes…

Firstly, he knows what he did is wrong. When he wakes up in the morning and brushes his teeth and looks in the mirror he knows that you didn’t deserve that. I know you probably feel humiliated and led on, things going round your head like ‘How could I have been so stupid?’ ‘Was our whole relationship a lie?’ ‘Was that genuine?’ but he is the one in the wrong.

Secondly, he won’t replace you. In the words of Beyoncé, you’re irreplaceable. He’ll be texting another girl, filling the gaps of when he texted you, to now texting her. But you’ll cross his mind, he’ll wonder if you’re texting someone new, or if you’ve been thinking about him or if it’s making you jealous. He’ll think about you every time he puts his slippers on that you bought him, or that jumper you chose him last Christmas and your perfume will forever be imprinted on his brain.

Thirdly, write in drafts or notes exactly what you wish to send him. Whether you send it or not is up to you (be prepared for the reply though.) Write down how he made you feel, what you wanted from him, how sad, upset, angry you are. Everything! I guarantee it’ll make you feel a tad better, if not extremely emotional. Let them out.

Fourthly, it’s okay to cry. I’ve cried every single day since it all happened. But it helps getting out of bed, going to work, going to university, seeing friends etc. Distractions are key.

Fifthly, stop stalking his Facebook, Instagram, Twitter account. It does nothing but cause you pain, so much easier said than done, believe me, I know. Realise that he’s not going to turn up outside your work with a bunch of flowers and a card apologising. No, he isn’t going to text you, it’s your best friend/mother, stop checking your phone every ten minutes. It’s a form of self-harm, stop it now.

Sixthly, don’t underestimate that he feels nothing. You’ve been together and experienced things together that he won’t forget. He might be trying to put those memories on hold, or distracting himself. But when he comes in from work, or in from a night out, when he lays in bed and has his own thoughts, he’ll be reflecting.

Seventhly, don’t jump into anything with anyone else. You will ultimately feel 100 times worse. You need to heal first.

Eighthly, take time to get back to the ‘old’ you and re-find what you like, don’t like. What you are prepared to put up with in a relationship and not.

Ninthly, she will never be you. I know I’ve said that already basically in number two, but I want to stress this point.

Tenthly, time is a healer. There is no rush, don’t pressurise yourself to be ‘fine’ you don’t need to pretend all the time. We’ve all been there, or are going to be there.

These are all so much easier said than done, but don’t let him ruin you. You will find a man who appreciates you, and who deserves you. Be positive! You’re going to be okay, I promise.

Even though I’ve given this advice, I don’t necessarily believe my ex is feeling any of those things. I think he’s probably just erased me from his life, and I don’t think he’s missing me at all. But I’m sure in your cases, your men or women are.

Let me know any of your relationship woes, or your dilemmas, how you coped, anything.

Also, exercise really helps. Releasing those happy endorphins!

Take care,

B x

PostSecret

The last few weeks have been pretty maniac with university assignments and presentations, as well as settling into the runnings of work. So right now, I’m doing the things I love – laying in my comfy bed, drinking a hot chocolate, blogging and internet shopping, whilst listening to the pitter-patter of rain on my windows. Bliss. 

I thought I’d dedicate this post to one of my favourite things – PostSecret, for those of you who have never heard of it, it is an organisation set up by the artist Frank Warren. Where people from all over the world can send in their deepest secrets, all anonymously, then a certain amount are published in his books or on Secret Sundays. They vary from funnier secrets such as – “I give decaf to customers that are rude to me.” or darker secrets, “My mom killed my dad, long before he killed himself.” – they hold a special place in my heart as my Alevel drama group and I devised our final piece of drama on several secrets and because they make me have faith in humanity every time I read them. Even the really harrowing and distressing ones, we all have secrets, just some of them are easier to share, than others. Even if it anonymously.

When I was on the tube earlier I was thinking about this, whilst reading my book and looking around the carriage at rush hour (I love people watching). No one really knows what our lives are like. We see things at face-value but actually don’t know what someone is feeling or going through. It is one of the most rewarding feelings when you feel like you know someone, what makes them tick, their stories, their birth marks, their favourite Disney film and best birthday present. Everything. So, if you have someone like that in your life, I’d say hold onto them. They’re a rare commodity, and you’ll probably not find another, you’re one of the lucky ones. 

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And yes, I have sent my own secret in. Shhh. You should too! 

Wrap up warm, winter is definitely on its way. 

Take care,

B x