This post I thought I would write something more personal than usual, mainly due to the fact that a blog is basically an online diary and I would definitely write this in a diary.
Something we’ve all been through, or are going to go through, sadly. Whether it be with friendships or relationships. Yep, you guessed it, heartbreak. I shan’t give you guys a synopsis of my situation, because it’s immaterial, but I will tell you he was such a huge part of my life and my family’s lives, for nearly three years. Oh, and he ended everything with me, not once, but twice.
So, I thought I’d use this post to give myself and any of you who have faced or who are facing heartbreak some support, advice and home truths. Here goes…
Firstly, he knows what he did is wrong. When he wakes up in the morning and brushes his teeth and looks in the mirror he knows that you didn’t deserve that. I know you probably feel humiliated and led on, things going round your head like ‘How could I have been so stupid?’ ‘Was our whole relationship a lie?’ ‘Was that genuine?’ but he is the one in the wrong.
Secondly, he won’t replace you. In the words of Beyoncé, you’re irreplaceable. He’ll be texting another girl, filling the gaps of when he texted you, to now texting her. But you’ll cross his mind, he’ll wonder if you’re texting someone new, or if you’ve been thinking about him or if it’s making you jealous. He’ll think about you every time he puts his slippers on that you bought him, or that jumper you chose him last Christmas and your perfume will forever be imprinted on his brain.
Thirdly, write in drafts or notes exactly what you wish to send him. Whether you send it or not is up to you (be prepared for the reply though.) Write down how he made you feel, what you wanted from him, how sad, upset, angry you are. Everything! I guarantee it’ll make you feel a tad better, if not extremely emotional. Let them out.
Fourthly, it’s okay to cry. I’ve cried every single day since it all happened. But it helps getting out of bed, going to work, going to university, seeing friends etc. Distractions are key.
Fifthly, stop stalking his Facebook, Instagram, Twitter account. It does nothing but cause you pain, so much easier said than done, believe me, I know. Realise that he’s not going to turn up outside your work with a bunch of flowers and a card apologising. No, he isn’t going to text you, it’s your best friend/mother, stop checking your phone every ten minutes. It’s a form of self-harm, stop it now.
Sixthly, don’t underestimate that he feels nothing. You’ve been together and experienced things together that he won’t forget. He might be trying to put those memories on hold, or distracting himself. But when he comes in from work, or in from a night out, when he lays in bed and has his own thoughts, he’ll be reflecting.
Seventhly, don’t jump into anything with anyone else. You will ultimately feel 100 times worse. You need to heal first.
Eighthly, take time to get back to the ‘old’ you and re-find what you like, don’t like. What you are prepared to put up with in a relationship and not.
Ninthly, she will never be you. I know I’ve said that already basically in number two, but I want to stress this point.
Tenthly, time is a healer. There is no rush, don’t pressurise yourself to be ‘fine’ you don’t need to pretend all the time. We’ve all been there, or are going to be there.
These are all so much easier said than done, but don’t let him ruin you. You will find a man who appreciates you, and who deserves you. Be positive! You’re going to be okay, I promise.
Even though I’ve given this advice, I don’t necessarily believe my ex is feeling any of those things. I think he’s probably just erased me from his life, and I don’t think he’s missing me at all. But I’m sure in your cases, your men or women are.
Let me know any of your relationship woes, or your dilemmas, how you coped, anything.
Also, exercise really helps. Releasing those happy endorphins!