Everything happens for a reason, right?

“Everything happens for a reason” is one of the most overused phrases in the universe, I’m quite sure. 90% of the people that use it are women, 91% of them are saying it to one of their friends about a guy who has just screwed them over. And 99% of the time it’s being said over a bottle of sauvignon blanc. Am I right? Or am I right?

Yes, I know that’s a huge generalisation, but you get my point. I am kind of contradicting myself as in another one of my blog posts I did write that I believe everything happens for a reason. And I do still sort of agree with my statement. But why does it always seem to be women saying it to each other? The more I experience relationships whether they be my own or through friends or through earwigging females discussing their love lives, the more I realise there is a pattern emerging. So, do we just tell our friends things happen for a reason to make them feel better?  Does it actually make us feel better about ourselves? Do we actually believe what we’re saying?  Personally, I do think things have to fall apart or grow in order for you to see the light, whether it be good or bad. You can’t experience the good without the bad, so it’s the same sort of principle isn’t it? It does make me feel better about myself and usually my rejection by taking solace in the fact that better things are ahead, surely. But it doesn’t take away the what’s wrong with me? I have an excellent personality, why wouldn’t you want to be with me?, mind set.

Just last weekend I was sat in Bills waiting for one of my best friends to arrive for our brunch date, when I was listening to a group of girls discussing last week’s drama. James hadn’t called or messaged Emily back, but had been online on whatsapp and Facebook. Emily was clearly very upset at the fact he hadn’t contacted her. However, as one of her friends said, maybe he’s been busy, maybe he forgot he hadn’t replied, or maybe he’s just not into you? Her other friend came in with the classic line of – maybe it’s just not meant to be!?  I smiled to myself and had severe déjà vu, why are women so bad a letting go, but men seem to slip out the back door without even saying goodbye? Things aren’t meant to last forever, so maybe we invented this way of looking at life to help us let go of things, even if we’re not ready to let go. This notion doesn’t just apply to our love lives but also job opportunities and waiting to buy a top in the Zara sale; if it’s meant to be that blouse will still be there.

As my home girl, Carrie Bradshaw said – “Eventually all the pieces fall into place, until then laugh at the confusion, live for the moment me know everything happens for a reason.” 

So next time you feel rejected or disappointed about an outcome, remember you are the prize and everything is a lesson. In the meantime, pour yourself a large Hendrix and tonic and call your girlfriends to arrange a dinner date to mill over the situation.

On another note, I’ve finished university! I cannot believe it. The longest, yet shortest three years of my life. My dissertation goes in next week and then I’m officially a free woman, bar one assignment in for the end of May. On to the next chapter, I wonder what’s in store…

I hope you’re well and have been enjoying the glorious springtime sunshine. I love springtime!

Take care,

B x

 

 

 

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This is a different kind of goodbye…

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2015 has already been, well, I’ve been sat here for a good five minutes trying to think of a word to use and all I can come up with is unpredictable.

There has been tears, tantrums and so much laughter all within a short space of time. The biggest bombshell was saying goodbye to someone who has been such a large part of my life for a long time. As you get older I think goodbyes become more difficult and more common. This goodbye was even more emotional than I expected as there was and is so much history, so much emotion, so many unresolved issues, which is a large part of the reason why I wanted to go. I needed and wanted to say my last few thoughts and feelings on our colourful past together. That is the thing with saying goodbye, people have the permission to grow into their own skin without you, which is a very strange feeling. It makes you want to scream, “No, you can’t carry on without me, please! Don’t go!” But as we know, that’s incredibly selfish. You can’t keep people, they’re not collectables.

Why is it goodbyes seem so romantic and glamorous on the television? One of you won’t be able to let the other one go, so you’ll go to the airport, bunch of flowers in hand, running through the departure gates then you’ll catch each other’s eyes. Burst into tears, embrace and live happily ever after. A Ross and Rachel type scenario. Hmmm, yeah. Likely.

Then the questions popped into my head, can you forgive someone for all the past events that happened if you can’t forget? Can you forgive them
even when they’re leaving? If you were to ask me this a year, a month ago even, I wouldn’t have let you finish the sentence without biting your arm off with a loud and forceful, NO. However, I have now changed my mind. Sometimes it’s the closure you need, for the both of you.

Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate, not that I’m even 100% sure that I believe in fate, but you get the idea. If we never veered or challenged our path, we may not fall in love again, have children or even be who we are today, or in the future. I do believe everything happens for a reason, so yes, maybe that is fate? Seasons change, so do cities, so do your memories. People come into your life and some people leave. But I take great comfort in the fact that the ones you love or loved will always leave a mark on your heart; and you will leave a mark on them too. If you’re lucky these loved ones are only a plane ride, text message, Skype, or telephone call away. And if they’re not, there’s usually a good reason for it. Life is a series of letting going moments. You have to start somewhere.

Goodbyes don’t have to mean forever. But that is down to you two.

I still hate goodbyes.

Have you ever had a horrible goodbye? Who were they with?

Take care,

B x